Robin papers over cracks while Carroll’s crocked after Hammer blows

Until 5:46pm on Sunday afternoon this weekend’s blog was set to be one big Andy Carroll love-in but, as this league loves to do, a spanner was lodged deep in the works.

Up stepped last seasons golden boot winner, or as Gary Neville calls him ‘Robin van Perfect’. He may have only been a Manchester United player for less than a month but the Dutchman has quickly conformed to the reds love of late drama. Perhaps, as well as an astronomical weekly wage, the ability to perform during ‘Fergie Time’ was a key component in his contract

United started the game in similar fashion to their previous two fixtures, finding themselves a goal down and well outplayed. A fearless Southampton came out of the blocks flying and Lambert showed just how clinical he could be in front of goal before RVP justified Ferguson’s faith. The 2^nd half was more of the same as United played catch-up after Schneiderlin’s header. For the second time this season Southampton led a Manchester team 2-1 but a rash tackle in the box gave Van Persie a chance to level from the spot.

(Here begins the debate on how to take a penalty) Unless your second name begins with a ‘P’, ends in an ‘O’ with an ‘IRL’ in between and you have the nerves of an arctic iceberg then don’t try anything fancy!

The Dutch hit man obviously does not agree and his penalty miss looked as though it had doomed United to a shocking defeat and booked him an extended appointment with Ferguson’s hairdryer. However, in typical fashion United swarmed forward and were rewarded when Van Persie poked home Ferdinand’s header after it bounced back off the post. Surely Southampton weren’t going be subjected to that same disappointment they experienced at the Ethiad? Oh…wait….maybe they were, as the Reliant Robin again swooped in to knock a tasty header up and over Kelvin Davis, to claim his and United’s third. A first hat trick for his new club coming in only his third game. However while their strike force looks ominous Fergie will be far from happy with yet another terrible defensive display. Rafael cannot defend and if a goalie of Lindegaard’s quality is your first choice then you know something’s wrong.

On Saturday Van Persie’s old club were finally able to register their first goals of the season. Two of the Gunner’s new boys, Podolski and Cazorla did the job (although Reina should have done much better with the second) while their defence retained its early season resolve. Diaby played well but not well enough to justify the predictable comparisons with Viera. Besides another great game for Raheem Sterling Liverpool look as though they will rue letting Carroll go. Owen and Drogba are available but the bad news for Liverpool is they will expect beefy wages, the good news? Emile Heskey is available.

Which brings me nicely to East London and the home of the Hammers.

The weekend witnessed the return of the mythical Beast from the Northeast. Andy’s back!!!…..Well, at least he was….for 60 minutes. Carroll’s display was reminiscent of his pre-Liverpool glory days. He was throwing himself at everything, winning headers, bullying defenders, and had a hand in all of West Ham’s three goals. Things were going so well…too well perhaps and soon he found a stunning debut ended prematurely with what looks a worrying hamstring injury. Despite this the positives were clear to see. Nolan’s style complements Carroll’s and the ease, with which they rekindled their partnership, will have Big Sam salivating. On the other hand Fulham were dreadful. Their defence was shambolic, and they seemed literally scared of West Ham’s lanky Geordie. Having lost their key creative influences in Dembele and Dempsey the last thing that Martin Jol wants is to start leaking goals

Man City’s weekend was relatively straightforward. Their little Argentinean terrier ran riot once again after Toure got them up and running. City played some of their best football of the season and other than when Zamora (who was sporting a rather fetching headpiece) equalised against the run of play they bossed the game. What of QPR new boys? Granero was thrown straight in and to be honest just ended up chasing shadows. Veteran Ryan Nelsen surprisingly had a couple of great chances to score but was true to his defensive roots and made a total mess of them. Although the season has just started Hughes side already has the league’s worst goal difference at -7. The team they are stapling together shouldn’t fret about relegation but they need to sort it out and a couple of weeks off could help.

Meanwhile Sunderland ventured down to the south of Wales and their expensive new forward, Fletcher, left with a couple of very well taken goals. Classic Stephen Fletcher goals, the second showing how sharp he is in the six yard box but the first was all about his ability to keep his composure and take his chance (looks as though he may well be the leading scorer outside of the top two this season).

For the first time this season Swansea’s defence was challenged and at times looked ropey, especially William’s ‘Skrtel-esque’ back pass. Yet, as ever their goals were trademark, the result of intricate passing moves and I think de Guzman looks a good player.  Chico could have easily been off earlier in the game for a two-footed challenge but got the red he seemed to be striving for after trying to cut Saha’s hair with his studs

Elsewhere Stoke took on Wigan (purists look away now!) at the DW in a game of volleyball. Both teams conceded pens, both for handballs and they matched each other until the final whistle. Debutant Charlie Adam could’ve won it from a deflected free kick had Al-Habsi not pulled off an absolute worldy! (The Omani is edging his way up to the lofty heights of the league’s elite keepers).

West Brom comprehensively dispatched Everton and notched up their 10th goal in 4 games in the process taking them to a tasty 3^rd position in the table. When presented with an opportunity use his feet as opposed to his head Fellaini blazed over, before watching the Baggies take the ball straight down the other end resulting in Shane Long poking home Odemwingie’s cross. Everton’s early season form deserted them, in no small part due to their tall Belgian midfielder’s poor performance. Fellaini is very much the heartbeat of Moye’s side and without his commanding presence the Toffees struggled to control the game.

Aston Villa earned their first point of the season at Newcastle and had it not been for the impulsive Ben Arfa’s decision to unleash a thunderbolt Lambert’s side could’ve left with all 3 points. However, both teams may claim they could’ve have taken more from the game. If Guzan hadn’t pulled off some cirque-de-soleil style keeping Cabaye’s free kick would’ve flown in. But beggars cant be choosers and I am sure Lambert was delighted that he finally has something in the bag.

AVB’s spark-less Spurs again started without Adebayor and made little attacking impression and it wasn’t until Dembele was introduced that they looked a threat. His cheeky wee turn gave him the yard he needed to slot home and appease any sceptical Tottenham fans. AVB brought Huddlestone on too early, opting for the defensive approach and Norwich pressed much higher up the field. Their best performance of the season earned them a point ensuring that a wall of boos met Villas-Boas at the final whistle. With 2 points out of 9, his brow may just be starting to get a bit sweaty and will hope for improvements following the international break.